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Just like old times, Sister's in total control
Monday, December 10, 2007
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So there we were, happily singing "Jingle Bells," when Sister Mary Hurricane hit.
"No, no, no, no! Stop that singing right now!" she bellowed, silencing in mid-jingle everyone from the Red Hat Society ladies to the clear-voiced pianist and soprano who'd been leading the tunes.
"We are only supposed to have songs about the birth of the baby Jesus!" she roared, sweeping into the 1960's classroom set up on stage, complete with a photo of JFK right under a slightly larger one of Pope Paul. So with Sister's suggestion that we re-write the lyrics - "Oh what fun it is to ried with baby Jesus in the sleigh" - we launched into the tune again.
Welcome to the reverently wacky world of Sister (no further name needed). You enter as a member of St. Bruno's Adult Catechism Class, but from the minute the first student is called upon to stand, give their name - "First, middle and Confirmation!" - you'll be plunged right back into the world of itchy wool uniforms, First Fridays and sliding over in your seat to make room for Jesus (or the Blessed Mother, if you were a girl). After barking, "Did I tell you you could sit down?" at one audience member, Sister warned, "Don't worry, it'll all come back to you, just like riding a bike!" And she was right.
It's the latest incarnation of the "Catechism" series, this one titled "Sister's Christmas Catechism: The Mystery of the Magi's Gold." Lela Frechette is Sister in the series written by Maripat Donovan, and excels at the required comic timing, withering glances and impromptu comebacks.
There's open seating for the two hour (give or take, depending on whether Sister wants to keep the class late) production, so you can sit with your friends, but if you try to whisper or pass notes, Sister might inquire, "Do I need to separate you two?"
The first act serves as an introduction to Sister's odd and utterly faith-filled world. Clad in a flawless rendition of a nun's habit, right down to the straight pins holding her wimple together, she prowls the classroom. She shares her offbeat outlook on everything from what to give a nun for Christmas ("A handkerchief is good. Jean Nate is good, but never, never, never, buy a nun Obsession, White Shoulders, My Sin or any perfume by Elizabeth Taylor!") to the religious symbolism of the candy cane ("the red is for the blood of the martyrs - isn't that festive??!!").
The request for Confirmation names revelaed that not everyone in the audience was Catholic, but the "publics" and members of "spin-off religions" were warmly welcomed anyway with a cheery, "Maybe you'll convert before the end of the class!" So while firsthand experience in a Catholic school classroom wasn't necessary, a good sense of humor certainly helped.
The pressure was on as audience members were called on to define "nativity," share stories of having birthdays near Christmas and, if they hadn't attended Catholic school, answer the sweetly posed question, "Didin't your parents care about you?"
A few monologues in the first act slowed the pace a bit, but after intermission Sister was back with renewed energy to select members of the audience for a creche scene. A perky Red Hatter named Virginia Eleanor who piped up, "I was named after the actress Eleanor Boardman!" and drew Sister's retort, "No dear, you were named after Mary!" earned the assignment of ass, to roars of laughter and applause.
Sister's costumes - cobbled together from a pinch-pleat drape, a shower curtain, a fitted sheet, table runners, a wreath, a plastic cup, and, in one inspired choice, a blender cozy - were nothing short of brilliant.
With audience members costumed as the Holy Family, the Wise Men, the animals and, inexplicably, the Little Drummer Boy, Sister posed the ancient mystery she'd solve for us: Who stole the gold brought by the the Magi?
This holiday plot, although bolstered by Sister's fond memories of "the Christmas episode of 'Dragnet'," felt a bit hasty and cobbled-on. Using a roll of crime scene tape, a piece of chalk and a ball of orange yarn, Sister tapped a suspect and proved her case.
It was amusing, but the heart of "Sister's Christmas Catechism" lies not in the loose plot but in the pure gold in Frechette's transformation into the crusty, eccentric, supremely confident Sister.
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