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Sister has her eagle eye out for all our sins
Monday, May 21, 2007
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By Kathleen Allen
Arizona Daily Star
May 19, 2007
Sister was not pleased.
There were gum chewers at her adult catechism class. And Methodists. And a few women with bare shoulders.
"Oh, look at you with the little off-the-shoulder number," Sister said early in the Thursday performance of "Late Nite Catechism 2," at the Hotel Arizona through May 27. "Pull those sleeves up."
Sister ignored the laughter that surrounded her and stood there, waiting, until the woman did what she was told.
Like "Late Nite Catechism," this sequel features a pre-Vatican II nun, with a heavy rosary at her waist, a habit complete with wimple, and a dandy of a crucifix around her neck. Nonie Newton-Breen, who clearly went to school with nuns, is Sister in this production presented by the Arizona Theatre Company.
The one-woman show is heavy on the ad-libs, and Newton-Breen, who cut her comedy teeth at such places as Chicago's Second City Theatre, is blessed with the ability to think quickly - and cleverly - on her feet. There were very few moments that this audience of about 120 wasn't laughing.
And why not? After all, Sister enlightens us - Catholics, Lutherans, even atheists - about just what is and isn't a sin. It's important to know this so that we can all get into heaven.
"If you shoot somebody, or see a psychic," she explained, "you go down the ladder to hell." Hell, she further explained, is "horrible, crispy agony."
Forever, mind you.
She also has what she calls "sins for a new millenium."
Those include dining at Hooters, reality TV, and watching Mass for shut-ins if you aren'ty a shut-in.
If Sister picks on you, she might give you a hologram holy card as compensation. Or a statue of the Virgin Mary. But everyone gets the handout dubbed "The Road to Heaven." It explains all the subcategories under the Ten Commandments in great detail.
For instance, the Fifth Commandment, "Thou Shalt Not Kill," also includes careless driving, procrastination and listening to bad music.
Or the Third Commanment, "Keep the Sabbath Day." That includes falling asleep in Mass, and working Mass in around a football, basketball or golf game.
Go ahead, laugh. Just don't let Sister catch you.
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